By now, exams at most schools and colleges have likely concluded, and the holidays have either already begun or are about to start in some places. And along with them begins— The Great Holiday Circus —starring parents and children as the main performers.
For the kids, the dream is simply for the holidays to arrive so they can finally let loose and have a blast. Yet, at that very same moment, a completely different set of thoughts is swirling through the parents' minds: "Now that school is over and the holidays have begun, what on earth are we supposed to do with these children? Good heavens—how are we supposed to manage them all day long?" While the children are eager to have fun, for the parents, these very holidays become their biggest predicament of the season. It is a situation they can neither bear in silence nor openly complain about—leaving them in a truly awkward bind.
The perceived solution is to keep the children constantly occupied with something. This might involve camps designed to instill good values in them; workshops intended to prepare them—starting right now—for the cutthroat competition they will inevitably face in the future; or camps aimed at eradicating whatever perceived flaws or shortcomings the parents believe exist in their wards.
If none of these options prove feasible—or if the decision was made right from the start—the alternative is to immediately dive into the curriculum for the upcoming academic year the moment the holidays begin. The logic being: this way, they are bound to score at least an extra 5 or 10 percent in their exams.
Throughout the academic year, the equation remains strictly "study, study, and nothing but study." One would think that during the holidays, at least, there should be a change of pace—something different that would leave the children feeling refreshed and ensure they can focus properly on their studies once school or college resumes. But alas—we, as parents, place absolutely no faith in such notions. We grasp only one reality: time is racing by at breakneck speed, and if we do not keep pace with it, we stand no chance of survival. Consequently, not a single moment must be wasted, for time, we believe, is of the essence.
For some children, no sooner has one camp ended than another one begins. They remain constantly occupied with one activity or another. And alongside all that—what about those holiday hobby classes? It remains a major question whether it is the parents' hobbies that are being fulfilled, or the children's. There is a plethora of hobby classes available—swimming, painting, arts and crafts, dance, karate, and so on. It seems that the less busy the parents are, the busier their children become. The one-and-a-half to two-month-long vacation arrives and vanishes so quickly that one barely realizes it has passed. In a few years, a situation will truly arise where children will come to dread the very idea of a vacation. After all, if the holidays consist of nothing but back-to-back camps, endless studying, or similar activities—leaving absolutely no time for leisure or relaxation—then who would even want such a vacation?
Are these children, or are they machines? Even a machine needs to be switched off for a while so that it can cool down. And only if it is properly cared for will it function more efficiently. Its productivity will increase, as will its lifespan.
It is not that we fail to understand this; yet, despite knowing better, we treat ourselves—and our children—in a manner far worse than we would treat a machine. And why? Because "time is of the essence."
It is a different matter entirely that it sometimes takes us two whole years to complete a task that should have taken only two hours. But... for that, we claim our "circumstances" are to blame—not us. We insist that we don't procrastinate or push today's tasks to tomorrow without a valid reason. We always find a justification for our own behaviour; yet, when it comes to the mistakes of others, we deem them unequivocally wrong. In those instances, we accept no excuses whatsoever. It is perfectly acceptable for 'us' to behave however we please, but never for others—and certainly not for our own children.
'They', on the other hand, must behave impeccably. They must cultivate the habit of completing tasks on time. Otherwise, we warn them, they will not survive in this cutthroat world of competition. Well, if 'they' won't survive, then how have 'you' managed to survive thus far? Do you possess a magic wand? You don't, do you? And yet, despite committing numerous massive—and arguably inexcusable—errors along the way, 'you' have managed to survive in this very same cutthroat world. How so? If you manage to endure, then when the time comes for your children, they too will learn how to persevere. Is there really any need to make a bogeyman out of this right now?
You may insist on working day and night, but once night falls, a little rest is absolutely essential. No matter how hard you try to stay awake like an owl, sleep will inevitably overtake you without you even realizing it. And if that doesn't happen, a visit to the hospital—or a psychiatrist—is all but guaranteed. Rather than resting in a hospital bed, if you have a holiday available, what is the harm in actually enjoying it? After all, isn't that Sunday a well-deserved, rightful day off?
It is entirely understandable and acknowledged that you care deeply for your children and strive to provide them with the very best. But have you ever actually stopped to check what *they* want?
Call it a rare occurrence or perhaps mere coincidence, but sometimes, exactly what you desire is precisely what your children desire as well. More often than not, they comply with your wishes reluctantly—against their own inclinations—or simply because of some incentive you have offered. Instead of resorting to that, try taking your children into confidence and engaging in a genuine dialogue with them; the results might turn out to be truly remarkable.
However, if they become firmly convinced that you are pushing them away merely to spare yourself the potential trouble they might cause, you risk alienating them forever. Thus, while you go around harping on about how "time is important," you may end up permanently losing the very people who matter most to you.
It is certainly acknowledged that instilling good habits in children at a young age is necessary. It is absolutely true—and fully accepted—that they need to be taught the right things at the right time. But what makes you so certain that what is important to 'you' will necessarily be important to 'them'?
Knowledge is never wasted, but if it is forced upon someone, it rarely truly sinks in. Therefore, the specific moment in time that you deem crucial might not hold the same significance for them.
Ultimately, even the realization that "time is important" requires the arrival of its own specific time. And I am sure that your time has come.
Blog by 'Life Coach and Business Mentor' Shailesh Tandel
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Good article
nice article sir