Learning to Sit with Yourself
Not long ago, I was invited to speak at a gathering. People were waiting to hear about balance, growth, and success.
But as I looked around the room, I realized something.
Most of us are so used to living in noise that silence feels like an intruder.
When the session began, instead of immediately starting with the topic, I simply asked everyone to close their eyes and sit in silence for a few minutes.
No phones.
No conversations.
No music.
No activity.
Just themselves.
Within seconds, I noticed the restlessness.
Rather than relaxing into those quiet moments, people started fidgeting. Some opened their eyes. A few adjusted their chairs. Others seemed to be waiting for those few minutes to end.
The silence was more uncomfortable than comforting.
That moment said more than any words I could have spoken.
We have forgotten how to be with ourselves.
The New Age of Restlessness
Think about it.
Even if we wake up at 5 AM, how long does it take before we reach for our phone?
News feeds.
Messages.
Updates.
Reels.
Stories.
Statuses.
Before the day has even properly begun, our minds are already occupied.
On the way to work, we need music, podcasts or phone calls.
At home, silence often feels so unnatural that the television remains switched on even when nobody is really watching it.
We call this being ‘busy’.
But sometimes, I wonder whether we are really ‘busy’ or simply uncomfortable with being quiet. So, we need Something to play in the background to push away that silence.
Because when everything outside is switched off, we are left with the one person we can't escape — ourselves.
The Script We Grew Up With
Somewhere along the way, most of us were given a very different definition of a productive life.
Work hard.
Study well.
Earn more.
Achieve more.
Keep moving.
Keep growing.
Succeed first.
Keep yourself occupied.
And somewhere towards the end of life, perhaps you can think about spirituality, meditation, inner peace and all those things.
But today?
There is no time for that.
Impact of the script
Back then, at least people said, “I’ll think about inner peace after 60.”
Today, things are different — and yet strangely the same.
We don't even wait until 60 anymore.
We just can’t be still, not even for 10 minutes.
Why? Because the moment there’s silence, the phone comes out.
Scroll. Scroll. Scroll.
Compare.
React.
Reply.
Notifications.
Breaking news.
Reels.
Stories.
Status.
There’s a new kind of noise - digital noise.
A new kind of fear - FOMO (fear of missing out).
A new kind of race - hustle bustle culture.
Even when we are alone, we are never with ourselves.
Our mind is always online.
Our attention is always borrowed.
And our peace?
Always postponed.
And sadly, even when people achieve everything, they still feel empty because peace was never part of the goal.
The Lost Golden Era
In earlier times, silence wasn’t seen as a void; it was a presence.
There was a time when a few empty minutes were not something to be filled. Rather people would sit on their verandas…
Look at the sky.
Watch the rain.
Listen to birds and the rhythm of nature.
Talk to neighbours.
Read a book.
Being with their thoughts.
Simply doing nothing.
And doing nothing did not necessarily mean wasting time.
Sometimes, doing nothing gave the mind the space to do something very important — think.
Today, we’ve lost that skill. If we have even five free minutes, we immediately try to fill them.
We have become so accustomed to stimulation that stillness feels strange.
But when we constantly avoid silence, we may also be avoiding something deeper… ‘ourselves’.
Our thoughts.
Our emotions.
Our questions.
Our fears.
Our dreams.
Perhaps even our own truth.
The Real Question
So, here’s the question I often ask myself:
If we cannot sit peacefully with ourselves today, what will happen when there is nobody around to keep us occupied?
And this is where I sometimes tell people something that makes them laugh first and then think.
When people tell me, "I cannot sit alone even for a few minutes. I get bored," I smile and tell them:
“You must be a boring person, because you yourself can’t enjoy your own company. Then how do you expect others to enjoy being with you?”
That usually makes them pause.
Because the truth is, silence doesn't bore us. We bore ourselves when we have never learned how to be our own companion.
Think about it.
We spend so much time trying to find the right people to be with.
But how much time do we spend learning to be with ourselves?
Learning to Enjoy Your Own Company
The good news is that this is not beyond our reach. We can still relearn it.
Start small.
Sit quietly for five minutes.
No phone.
No television.
No music.
No book.
No distraction.
Just you and yourself.
Initially, it may feel uncomfortable, like standing in an unfamiliar room.
That's perfectly alright.
Within the silence, you may start meeting the real you — someone you may have been avoiding for years.
Slowly, the discomfort begins to settle.
Your thoughts become clearer.
You begin to notice things you had been too busy to notice.
You start understanding yourself a little better.
And somewhere along the way, being alone stops feeling like loneliness.
It becomes solitude.
A space where you can breathe.
A space where you can reflect.
A space where you can simply be.
The Choice Is Always Ours
Life will continue to give us reasons to remain busy.
Society will continue to applaud speed.
Technology will continue to compete for our attention.
But somewhere within all this noise, there has to be a small space that belongs only to us.
So, pause.
Breathe.
Be with yourself.
Because people will come and go.
But you have to live with yourself from your first breath until your last breath.
Make sure you know how to sit with that person and enjoy the company.
Patience is not weakness.
Stillness is not laziness.
Silence is not a waste of time.
They are the spaces where you meet yourself.
They are moments where clarity appears.
They are pauses in which life begins to make sense.
The choice is yours.
Run endlessly, or pause, and truly live.
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Blog by 'Life Coach & Business Mentor' Shailesh Tandel
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